Positive Thinking

Hubby a little annoyed that I am once again obsessing over the relative safety of air-travel. Like he cannot fathom why I am still thinking about it. And I suppose he's right. Thinking about it will do nothing but cause more stress and anxiety, well before the threat of imminent death presents itself.

A good friend reminded me that we are all here for a limited time. We will not survive life. Just have to make the best of it while we are here. Less obsessing, then.

More embracing of the now. Handling life with calm and composure, not thinking the worst all the time but being positive.






Just one more thing before I start embracing the moment;

I would like to have "some die young" by Laleh playing at my memorial.

Fear

Filled with dread. Fighting off panic. Quietly, so nobody will feel uncomfortable.

Another passenger jet down. Another.

I simply do not care whether flying is still statistically safe. Nothing will happen, to us. The chance is so slim. Almost non-existent. Driving is more dangerous - and whilst I can believe that (hrm), if you're in a car crash you might be OK. If you're in a crashing plane you're toast. Done for. No two ways about it. I'm sure everyone on every plane says nothing will happen to them, flying is safe. Yet - two down in a few short months.

I live in Australia. My family lives in Sweden.

I really, really, don't care about statements from some airlines that they will avoid a certain space above eastern Ukraine. It means nothing. Less than nothing. Firstly, they are probably lying. Secondly, they all fly over Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan etcetera, anyway. And if someone in Ukraine has a weapon that can shoot down an airliner that high up - country borders do not matter.

Also, I don't want to hear crap like if it's your time it's your time. There is no such thing as fate, only chance. Cruel, bad luck or the opposite; luck. It's not written (sorry, but that's bullshit).

We leave Tuesday week.

I have no will (too morbid) but...

All I want is for everyone to be happy. If for some reason we don't make it, know that I wanted to sit on a verandah with you all in 30 years time; drink cheap wine and smoke illegal tobacco - looking back and laughing.
And my mother gets half the house. That is all.

Camping Out

Turns out I would have been better served by an umbrella whilst camping the other night.

Altogether an interesting experiment in which hubby and I were invited to a party in the middle of the bush cirka 100 kilometers from here. My friend omitted most details about the evening; such as who else was invited, the facilities available, exact location and so on. Looked at taking a bus and a couple of trains there (three hours each way) then realised it would be an hour to drive.

Hmm, I thought. If only I had a car, I thought. I could drive, I thought. I DO have a license. Well, not an actual license in my current name. They cut my old one in half because, apparently, in Australia you cannot have more than one license (you can, however, have more than one passport).

Then I thought, wait. They let you hire cars these days. At petrol stations. Said and done, went to the nearest petrol station and hired a car. They didn't ask to see my license. No, really. They didn't.

Hubby and I eventually got the car running and out on the road.

Did you know modern cars do not require keys..? Anyway.

Crammed it full of useful camping equipment such as doonas and pillows. And food. Lots of food.

My main points of concern were;
-Had not driven for very long time
-Had not driven on right hand side for an even longer amount of time
-Other drivers exist, unfortunately
-Did not know where was going
-Can, sometimes, be a little on the hysterical side

But with a little swearing and a few threats about divorce - we arrived.

It was a hilarious night, lots of laughs were had. Unfortunately it rained all night, causing hubby and myself to wake up from a foggy slumber at our usual time (around 5.30am) inside a slightly wet, cold tent. We hibernated and waited for the rain to subside - which it didn't. We exited the tent, I panicked about the drive home for a little while, then we left.

And we made it!

I am a confident, accomplished driver. Apart from missing a very obscure exit to the E4 (the main highway through southern Sweden - hardly visible) I did OK.

This was also our last adventure without bub - before we go back to Oz... Then no adventures without bub will be had for the foreseeable future (no support network in Byron - It's just us baby!)

Camping in the swedish summer

Bean Kisses

Quitting an Addiction

I'm considering quitting books.

I think I am addicted to reading. Probably have been for years. Only it hasn't really presented a problem before. Reading or watching telly? Reading or going out? Reading or sleeping? Reading or... you get the idea. But now I am finding that I simply don't have the time to read. I mean I DO... when bub is asleep.

Here is a list of a few of the things that should happen whilst bub is asleep;

• shopping
• cooking
• eating 
• washing bottles
• tidying
• laundry
• general cleaning
• grooming such as nail-clipping, hair-combing etcetera

And eventually when we get home;

• house renovating
• gardening (oh dear Lord)
• yoga 

(and yes I know some of these things can be done with bub, but that is another post)

Thus leaving just enough time to get into a book. And then thinking about it for the entire time I am doing the above. Sometimes, even - sadly (please don't judge me) whilst playing with and caring for bub. The thought will arrive - "Gee that book is great, I wonder when I'll have a moment to read it?!"
Occasionally with more urgency than is comfortable.

Some people possibly feel this way about their smartphones... based on their interactions with phones in public, including when caring for children. I don't want to be a mother like that - only with a book instead of a phone.

So what to do?

I can see only one way out of this.

Quitting...

Routine

As surprising as it may be, I'm not really the mothering type. Not the natural born earth-mother with one kid on each arm, making muffins with one foot and making a bed with the other. Or whatever it is these people do. 

It has been much more trial and error for me. Mostly error. 

I struggled with sleep deprivation, I struggled with chores, and I struggled with routine. I have never been able to deal with routine. 

Suddenly a small human is placed in your care; and it requires feeding on a regular schedule. It requires sleep on a regular schedule. Not, mind you, for 8 hours every night (that's a different chapter). And if you attempt to be "flexible" and "impulsive" the small human will be extremely pissed off and your day will be in ruins. Nothing will work. It only works if you stick to the dreaded routine.

And yet she is the most perfect little creature I have ever seen, and hands down the best thing we ever did. Love you, Beanie. 

A Traditional Midsummer

Bub has had a whopper of a midsummer's eve. Night spent vomiting, crying and vomiting some more. Was thinking it's perhaps teen preview, complete with worried and exhausted mother getting out of bed at 5.30 with sick bub - stepping in vomit - and spilling cold coffee on bub when undertaking first activity of the day (making coffee).

Bub is now napping. At 9.30. Grrrrreat.

Was so tired I actually forgot I'd had a shower already, and went to have another one.

Free Laptop

I've my hot little hands on a free lappie. Still have old lappie, but was so peeved with it that it actually got left behind in the land of Oz. As a consequence (indeed the consequences of anger are rarely good) have only had phones to use internet on the entire time we have been away - until now. Smart. Thought about buying new lappie, but hubby is not prone to impulsive purchases (only had two months to look around) so nothing came of it.

Spent a month in Amsterdam, in a small houseboat - passing the time between Bean Bed Time (7pm-ish) and our bedtime (totally a total secret) contemplating life, staring at our smartphones and reading an old copy of "the Beach" which found in mother-in-law's garage. Boring? you ask. Nah. Actually I have decided to redecorate when get home (to Byron Bay) - I'm chucking the TV. FUCK the TV. Mind-numbing, annoying piece of crap. Or well, at least it does not belong in the living-room. Might hide it elsewhere though, for those times one wishes to curl up with a cup of tea and an entire caramel slice; to watch the latest season of Game of Thrones. For example.

Another reason is, bub can't so much as lay eyes on a piece of technology (computer, phone, ipad etc) without going completely bonkers and wailing until she gets hold of it. What is that? No child of mine is watching telly 24-7, that's for sure. So the work of satan will be demoted to manland.

Now it is time for my 6th cup of coffee of the day, needless to say we are still in Sweden. It is Midsummer. I am awake a lot.

Sweden pics!

Awaiting a possible free laptop... :-)